Jennifer Update 020711

Hi there,

So another day in Africa. Filled with these surreal moments that are hard to wrap my mind around at times. Last night sitting on a corner in Jinja, the red dust under my hands, watching the traffic go by, waiting for the street food Danielle and I ordered to be cooked. Wow…I live in Africa. Today, riding on the back of a Boda, the wind in my hair, the sun on my face, a young girl perched between the driver and I, the sound of the tire rubbing over ever bump. Is this really my life. Now sitting here listening to praise music, the breeze coming in off the Lake, my heart and spirit filled, wondering what God would have me do. The next few days are uncertain. So much hangs in the balance.  Reflecting on what has happened so far. The balance between life and death so fragile. The scales so easily tipped in either direction. So many lost and not knowing. My mind swirls. I am thinking of one of the Mom’s who keeps showing up drunk. She shows such little love for her children. Two of them in different programs, both slowly dying of a horrible disease that they had nothing to do with. Two more trying so hard to just be loved. And she seems so indifferent. My anger boils up. I get so made. How can she? And then the Spirit reminds me of Isaiah 49:15 ” Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! I am overwhelmed. God loves these people so much. And they don’t even know it. They long for it, hunger for it and search for it in all the wrong places, but they do not know. My anger begins to melt. The Spirit reminds me I am only able to feel this love, this compassion, this desire for them to know him, because he has first loved me and shown me how beautiful it is. How unconditional. Can my love be any less. Oh help me Lord to love like that! It is so hard. Despite following you for these years and yearning to be covered in the dust of your feet I still fall short so much. And then this song comes on. The words are my heart… despite all that has happened, all that is happening in this moment and that which will happen in the days to come, He is worthy of it all. He is worthy of my praise, he is worthy of any sacrifice that need be made, he is worthy of it all. I HAVE A REASON TO WORSHIP!! If you don’t know this song, I highly recommend you utube it and give it a listen. I don’t know if any of this is making sense to you, but i just wanted to share some of where I am right now. Thanks for your prayers.

Love Jennifer

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it’s way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve received I will sow

(Reference Citation: Desert Song by Hilsong)